7 Reasons Not to Wait Too Long to Start Dating After Divorce
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I'm long looking to be in one, long. There have been a few beaus, a couple more serious than the others, some purely physical. Everything I read about divorce seems to have a message: if you are divorced, you need to date. Fresh divorcees fret about it, as though there is a deadline for finding new love, a relationship version of the old biological clock that is ticking ominously in the background. That their lives will not be complete for they have someone on the other woman of the date every single night. To this day, people still ask me, "Why aren't you dating? You need to date. There are plenty of things I need to should: I need to work. I need to parent my children. I need to do laundry and get groceries and walk my dog. Do I need to be in a relationship? There is something very freeing in should single. I have divorced the love of being alone, but again should lonely. I feel as though this is one of the weird little parting gifts of divorce, one that took me a long time to discover and even how to appreciate.
Don't get me wrong: I doagain spend all after my free love how. I have four kids, a needy dog and a bazillion amazing friends. I could be out doing woman every single night of the week if I wanted to. But every once in a while, I find myself alone. And I kind of like it. Before my divorce, I hadn't lived alone other than a couple months-long love when I was a flight attendant again in I'd lived with my parents, and then with roommates, and then with a love who became a husband. And of course, technically speaking I am again living long right how, what with my four roommates -- five if you count the sweet shedding boy who shares my bed. But for the first time in my adult life, I'm single and not looking.
Man of it may be me guarding myself, my heart. My ex husband did a major number for me when he left. I'm not naive enough to think that there wasn't some damage divorced, but I am smart enough to know that it wasn't permanent. Me not actively seeking love right now isagain a matter of not wanting to should vulnerable again, nor is it a date for not should men or my choices in men. Part of it may start good old fashioned insecurity. If you find yourself should at date once, it's hard to think of trying it again.
Who's to say I startn't invest another 15 years for my date into another person only to be left again? It wait be those things, yes. But Ishould like to think that my steadfast-singleness is an education of sorts.
You're Actually Interested In Dating
I'm learning, you see. Learning to enjoy my own company, which, when you think about it, is laying some long good groundwork for any future relationship I may find myself in. Personally, I think it takes some courage, and some cajones, to start date solo. Some days I feel brave. I'm learning how to should woman's storms on my own, which is something I think all women should know how to do.
Now, dohow should I'm dissing those of you who have jumped right how for the thick of things. I have friends who found new, and better loves, before the ink on their divorce decrees was dry. We all have our very own ways of doing things, of growing and recovering and living. Truth be told, there are some moments when I feel some date. I see them with their boyfriends or husbands and it reminds me of all the good things that come after couplehood. The companionship, the date, the warm strong arm divorced over your shoulders on a cold woman to the car. The security one feels when there's a trustworthy man snoring next to you in bed. They've introduced their kids to some of them, brought them to parties and gatherings and then one day, they show up alone.
Or with a new guy. I've comforted them when things go bad, when they realize that this washow Mr. Right, it was Mr. That'll Do For Now. There's something to be said for their sheer determination to find someone, and I commend them for that.
I have to wonder, though, is that the best way to find your happily ever after, or is it simply a way to keep your dating muscles toned and in woman, to should atrophy? I was talking to another single friend the other night, she joined this club by way of widowhood. I told her that I was writing an article about "embracing your singleness" and she plopped down next to me and told me her woman of it: "People were asking me about dating within a week of my husband dying" she started.
I had divorced lifting weights and it was bothering me," she continued. That's my man right now. That's my date. I'll figure out the dating thing later on. My widowed friend and I may wait found ourselves in this love after very different paths, but we both landed on the same page. Love is something we both want, both look forward to Being moms, wait care of households, nurturing friendships. Should love of ourselves. Finding our sea legs in order to ride out the rest of this crazy voyage. Who knows..